Fragmented

Fragmented.
That’s a good word.
That’s how I feel.
Fragmented.
All the parts of me won’t fit together to make a whole me.
In fact all the parts of me seem to be fighting each other.
My mind is going over it all again,
finding more questions,
more things to wonder why about.
I wish I could just accept it doesn’t matter
but it does.

I want my idealism back.
I want to think I can change the world.
I want to believe there is some purpose for me,
some reason to be here.
I want to get on with doing something to make the world better.
But the dreaded cloud of ‘I don’t care’ surrounds me
and any risk is too scary to take.
I never used to be scared of risks.
I am stuck here still trying to put it all together.
Maybe dormant is a better word.

©Sharron R. McMillan