Then I’ll Go

Photograph: Sharron R. McMillan

My hope is that I will be here
only as long as I am alive.
I don’t want to live a half dead existence
sitting waiting to die,
making excuses for still being here.

I want to live life every day
and die in the midst of living.
I’d rather my death be
as though I had a sudden urge
to take off and be somewhere else.

That’s how I’d like to die.
I’d like to go
knowing I had loved well those I’ve loved
I had hugged everyone who needed my hugs
smiled, spoke to everyone who needed to hear something only I could say.

When I can no longer fill a unique place in anyone’s life
When I bore and bother
rather than inspire,
When my hugs turn to cloying
rather than energizing

when figments of other people’s imaginations
become more real to me
than what is real
than beam me up Lord,
I won’t be needed here
anymore.

©Sharron R. McMillan